Crazy Days

So both boys are registered for school. Third grade and kindergarten, I can't believe it. The days of sitting at the hospital waiting to see if Logan was going to come home are still crystal clear in my mind. Now kindergarten is on the horizon. I think it will be harder on me than on him. I just know that kids can be cruel and it is even worse when you are different. On the other hand, a part of me thinks the routine and structure will the best thing in the world for him. I want him to grow him and be independent as possible. Whether he will ever be able to live on his own or not I have no idea. I want that to be possible. I think there is so much potential inside of him and the trick is figuring out how to maximize it. I want him to have friends and hopefully school will allow that to happen. Sometimes I look at him and he seems like he is so lost and lonely. Especially with the blank stares. It breaks my heart to see him look lonely. At those times, I catch myself thinking somehow this is my fault. I know that is not true or realistic but sometimes I can't help it. Today he was a peice of work. This morning after therapy he soaked himself at the water fountain. Then tonight after I put him to bed he pushed the mattress off the bed twice before he gave up and fell asleep. He kept pushing and climbing on Zach. He didn't like the word no at all today. I am telling you between him and Zach it was one of those days where I wondered why I had kids in the first place. Isn't that awful? He was my little monkey today. All over the kitchen table and counters trying to get whatever he could reach. The word no just was not getting it today. He kept doing it over and over and over. Needless to say, I was glad to see bedtime come. God bless to all.